Thanks to John Gray, kerana buku beliau yang bertajuk "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" telah berjaya membantu jutaan pasangan di seluruh dunia untuk memahami each other.
Walaupun aku belum khatam lagi buku tu (aku kan busy), tapi ada satu topic yang aku betul2 setuju. Memang sangat tepat lah. Dan after buat research dimana ribuan org have participated, John Gray pun mengesahkan memang ini masalah common among women. Dan sebagai salah seorang wanita juga, aku approve la apa yang John Gray tulis tuh.
MEN GO TO THEIR CAVES AND WOMEN TALK.
John Gray kata, lelaki dan perempuan mempunyai coping strategy yang berbeza. Lelaki, bila mereka tertekan, mereka suka lepak dalam gua (tempat untuk mencari ilham la kononnya), dan tak suka menjaja masalah mereka unless bila dia betul2 perlukan advice from others (begitukah?).
Tapi...tapi.. tapi!!! Bagi perempuan pula, mereka suka berkongsi masalah mereka with someone they trust and just talk talk and talk about it (macam murai).
John Gray kata lagi, "When a woman is stressed, she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. If she is upset, then she is upset about it all, big and small. She is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems but rather seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood. By randomly talking about her problems, she becomes less upset".
Aku setuju 500%!!! Memang rasa lega sangat if dapat luahkan apa yang terbuku di hati dan terkumpul di otak.
Men and women comunicate in different ways. Not because we speak different languages, but rather a difference in communication styles.
HOW MEN REACT WHEN WOMEN NEED TO TALK
"Men do not realize that women are talking to feel better. They don't know that she will appreciate it if he just listens". So, please please please realize it now! Tong!!!! Ketuk sikit kasi sedar.
"Men talk about problems for only two reasons: they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice. If a woman is really upset, a man assumes she is blaming him. If she seems less upset, then he assumes she is asking for advice (betul ke ini yang korang pikir wahai lelaki2 di luar sana?)".
"If he assumes she is asking for advice, then he puts on his Mr Fix-it hat to solve her problems". (urrghhh!! sometimes, we know exactly apa yang perlu dibuat, tapi saje gatal mulut nak bercerita. Therefore, your advice hanya akan buat kepala kami lagi serabut if bertentangan dgn idea yang kami dah ada).
"If he assumes she is blaming him, then he draws his sword to protect himself from attack". (isk isk, jentik kang baru tau! gelabah giler!). "N BOTH CARES, HE SOON FINDS IT DIFFICULT TO LISTEN". :(
"If he offers solution to her problems, she just continues talking about more problems. After offering two or three solutions, he expects her to feel better. When she doesn't feel better, he feels his solutions have been rejected, and he feels unappreciated". Pulak dah?
Seriously guys, if we are in the middle of our talking, don't interrupt with suggestions or any solutions. That's not what we need. You might just spoil our mood instead of making us feel better. Unless, we did ask for your opinions, then boleh la suggest macam2.
"On the other hand, if he feels attacked, then he begins to defend himself. He thinks if he explains himself that she will stop blaming him. The more he defends himself, however, the more upset she becomes. He doesn't realize that explanations are not what she needs. She needs him to understand her feelings and let her move on to talk about more problems. Until she feels better". Haa.. betul tu!
"A woman might complains about things as a way of expressing her worries, disappointments and frustations. She may know that nothing can be done to solve these problems, but to find relief she still needs to talk about them. She feels supported if the listener relates to her frustation and disappointment. But again, a man doesn't realize that she is looking not for a solution from him, but for his caring and understanding".
I couldn't agree more!!! And guys, please take note! When perempuan cuba nak luahkan perasaan dan nak bercerita segala stress yang dia alami, dia just nak you understand apa yang dia rasa, and show some empathy. Don't blame her for what she feels coz she has no control of it. And if she gets susah hati for the small2 things, she expects you to understand. Not to perkecilkan her feelings.
"A man should have learned that once a woman feels heard, she stops dwelling on her problems and becomes very positive. With this awareness, a man was able to listen without feeling responsible for solving all her problems". Nothing feels better than a great and smooth luahan-perasaan session.
And i would like to tambah a few things.
When a woman tells a man her problems and what's gone wrong with her day, being blamed upon what happened, is the last thing she wants to hear. Even though he thinks that she's completely responsible for it, he is not supposed to blame her right away, but instead, try to listen and show some empathy. Because she already feels stressed about it, and the only thing she needs is for him to comfort her. Not to tell her that this is all her fault (confirm perempuan tadi bertukar jadi raksasa dan korek mata lelaki tu pastu pijak2 sampai penyek).
All these things nampak je kecik, tapi bila dah kerap sangat berlaku, ia boleh membawa padah. And mungkin jugak boleh menjadi sebab keruntuhan rumahtangga sebab tiada persefahaman.
When they cuba to share their problems or feelings with someone they trust, tapi respond yang diberi always mengecewakan, dan buat they feel worse, maybe next time they prefer to keep it to themselves and don't want to share their feelings anymore (sebab rasa serik dah..sbb lelaki tadi tak faham2). Sharing is caring. Apa gunanya ada teman sejati if tak dapat nak berkongsi our ups and downs. Ye tak?
For those yang bercita-cita nak memahami wanita dan segala perilakunya, aku syorkan bacalah buku ini. Mungkin dapat membantu sedikit sebanyak permasalahan anda dalam memahami jiwa mereka yang complicated. Dan perempuan pun boleh belajar pasal lelaki and their insensitiveness dalam buku ni jugak.
Dan aku tulis entry ni, berdasarkan pemerhatian terhadap beberapa kes (aku kan doctor cinta. sesiapa ada masalah cinta, boleh hubungi saya di talian 755-25-25 =D).
To guys yang baca entry ni (ada ke yang nak baca, panjang berjela), don't feel offended. This is the fact. And i'm just trying to help you to better understand a woman (thanks to me!).
p/s: Best jugak if jadi relationships psychologist ek?
Eleanor Roosevelt
Dick Cheney
Bob Dylan
Billie Holiday
Andre Breton
