Because I am a woman

"Every woman wants a man who respects her for her values, virtues and ethics. She wants a man who is proud of her strong character and her unique personality.

 A man who can support her unconditionally and stay connected to her soulfully.

 A woman who loves you truly will never ask you to buy her expensive gifts. She won’t ask for diamonds, rubies or a promise to bring her a world of luxuries. 

She just wants your love, care and attention. 

She wants you to spend a lot of quality time with her and appreciate her for all that she does for you out of love and affection.

 Every woman is unique in her own way and she wants to be the most appealing woman in her man’s life.

 A woman’s heart is so full of love for the man of her life that she just gives it freely even for the little he does for her. 

She doesn’t want commitments and promises she just wanted to be loved to the core."

And i am that woman. Though sometimes ada jugak mintak macam2 nak makan itu ini. Pegi sana sini. haha.. 

But i am that woman who just wants your love and honesty. I put my trust on you. I gave you my heart and soul.  Never ask for anything else in return. Except for you, loving me back. Loving the best of me and accept the worst in me. To guide me, when i am wrong. To grow old with me. Making me laugh when i forget how to even smile. You are good at this. Do you know that?

I hate to admit. But we have wasted most of our precious times being apart from each other. So far apart that we only get to see each other once a month. That's only 12 times a YEAR! plus ada la tambah sket2 balik kerap2 tu pun tak sampai 5 kali kot. We were caught in our own busy and highly routined lives. You have your own life. And i lead another one on my own. I became so independent that you feel you are no longer needed. But please know that you are my strongest source of strength. Just by knowing that you are there, still holding on to me, still be patient with me, still loving me, dah cukup untuk me rasa kuat sangat.. That's my recipe of being a superwoman. YOUR superwoman. It's you and your love.

But this strong love have its risks. When you love too much, Allah will tests you. And a heart that loves deeply, when fall and broken, is almost impossible to fix. 

I believe, the best is yet to come. I'll be waiting. For you to come and fix my heart. So that i could love again. 

Please don't give up on me yet. I have loved you once. And i want to love you forever. Sampai syurga.. insyaAllah. I believe our love is still there, hiding somewhere. we just need to find it and bring it back. I believe you still have the will, the will to love me and see me happy. Build a home for me and our children. We could be happy again. And we will. Because I truly believe. 

The Most Important Thing..

I cried reading this picture. Tiada istilah bosan. Cinta sejati. Bawa ke mati. insyaAllah. 

The Road I Travelled

Salam..

Sesungguhnya memang amat lama aku tak menulis kat sini. This busy and routined life has swallowed me. Until i was lost. Lemas dan tenggelam dalam kesibukan.

Tak sedar sesuatu sedang memakan diri ini. Sedang memakan kebahagiaan ini.

 KEBAHAGIAAN. Satu perkataan yang tiba-tiba asing bagi aku. Betul ke apa yang aku ada selama ni adalah kebahagian? Atau itu semua satu kepura-puraan?


Sejak dua menjak ni aku banyak berfikir. And in fact, dah ter overthinking kot.

Aku impressed bila lihat pak cik dan mak cik yang tua2, tapi saling taking care of each other, holding hands, making coffees for their spouse, berborak bersembang bergurau bersama. They look so romantic. Dorang ni tak pernah bosan ke dengan each other? Anak cucu tentu bahagia lihat atok dan nenek macam tu. Tapi of course only God knows what have they been through sepanjang tempoh perkahwinan mereka. Aku yakin ada turun dan naiknya juga.

"There is still time to change the road you are on". Kata-kata ini aku terbaca di saat aku betul-betul lost. Di saat hilang punah segala harapan. But there is still time. Masih belum terlambat untuk mengubah segalanya. Hanya tersasar sedikit dari jalan yang lurus. Bukan sesat tak jumpa jalan pulang. Hanya tersasar. Tergelincir sebab tak berhati-hati. Mungkin sengaja memilih untuk merasai sedikit adventure di pertengahan jalan. Namun tersedar bahaya gaung yang menanti di hadapan.Itu pun selepas tersepak batu dan terjelepuk jatuh berdarah kaki. Teman di sisi marah. Kenapa cuai sangat? Tapi dalam marah-marah, tetap dipapahnya jugak. Justeru, berpatah balik ke jalan yang selamat. Sebab destinasi jauh lagi. Tak boleh tersungkur di pertengahan jalan. Belum pun tiba di pertengahan sebenarnya. Baru permulaan. Lagi la tak boleh tersungkur.

Teman yang setia, akan sudi meneman sampai bila-bila. Jika tersasar, akan ditarik semula. Tapi kalau tersesat sehingga tak dapat di kesan, teman itu terpaksa pasrah. Nak di ikat tali, tak logik. Itu bukan caranya di zaman ini. Hanya pada Allah kita semua berserah.

Terbaca di status seorang kenalan di FB :

"Perkahwinan itu adalah satu ibadah. Seharusnya ia membuatkan kita lebih dekat dengan Allah. Lebih baik solatnya, boleh solat jemaah, solat di awal waktu sebab selalu ada yang mengingatkan dan ajak solat bersama. lebih banyak ibadahnya, lebih bersyukur dengan nikmat yang Allah beri, dan kurang berbuat maksiat. TAPI jika selepas berkahwin berlaku sebaliknya, maka haruslah kita duduk bermuhasabah. Ingat kembali, adakah aku niat berkahwin kerana Allah? Apakah matlamat terakhir aku dengan perkahwinan ini?"


Bila terketuk begini. Baru tersedar. Ya Allah. Jauhnya aku dariMu. Keseronokan. Kebahagian. Itu yang aku idamkan. Tapi ketahuilah, syurga Allah itu mahal harganya. Dan tentu sekali keseronokan bukanlah bayarannya.

Ujian datang. Hadapi, Ambil iktibar. Teruskan hidup. Jangan ulangi. InsyaAllah.

p/s: Aku pun nak bahagia. Aku akan bahagia. Dengan IzinNya. :)

The Mayonnaise Jar Lesson :)

THE MAYONNAISE JAR

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and fills it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “YES”.

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions. Things, that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.” he said.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are
important to you...” he told them.

“So... pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Worship with your family. Play with your children. Take your partner out to dinner. Spend time with good friends. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the dripping tap. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Tak perlu cakap banyak. Just take note. :)

a bun in the oven.

Owh.. another entry i found yang aku tak publish..hehe.. this one masa mula2 dpt tahu aku preggy.. when i was teaching in Kuching, Sarawak..tersenyum sorang2 bila baca blk.. haha...

"Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Tak terkata gembiranya bila dapat tahu aku pregnant!!!! Masa nak wat test tu memang chuak giler! takut jugak kecewa. and kalau pregnant pun takut jugak actually. huhu..

After 7 days since my period was due, i bought the pregnancy test strip. I couldn't wait any longer. I need to find out. So balik je skolah terus test. And taraaaaaa!!! There were 2 lines visible on the strip thingy. terus aku keluar toilet jerit pada housemate untuk confirmkan that i wasn't halucinating. And we were all so excited. dengan pakai towel peluk2.. haha..

and i felt like my chest was gonna explode selagi i dont share this great news with my loved ones.. so i called kak lily. and my hubby!!!!! OMG.. i love his reaction.. like really speechless and he was just laughing and we couldn't stop praising The Lord. Syukur sangat2!!

And i told my very best friends and family members yg lain. Haven't announced it on facebook yet because belum jumpa doctor lagi untuk sahkan and i think it's still too early kot.. rilek la dulu.. hehe..

And paling tak leh blah, cikgu2 kat skolah mmg dah anggap aku pregnant without anyone telling them that i am. and when i asked, how come they so sure? and they said they can see it. I always penat and mengantuk and selalu tdo atas sofa kat bilik guru. hiks.. yeke? malunyer~

Apa2 pun, aku still perlu praying hard so that baby lam perut ni akan sihat walafiat and moga semuanya selamat. amiin.

Terima kasih ya Allah di atas segala kurniaanMu :)"

My M&M

I was reading my last posts.. terjumpa this one entry yang aku tak publish.. after bersalin.. here it goes.. hehe..


"Salam,

I am now officially a member of an exclusive club of twin mothers. :D

Akhirnya.. segala penantian selama 9 bulan telah pun berakhir pada 3hb October 2011. Aku dah selamat melahirkan my twin babies via c-section. Sakit wooo! Tapi Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan lancar.

The first baby i named her Marissa. And the second baby Maisara. Simple je. Sebab senang nanti nak isi borang masuk unibersiti. hihi.. Marissa lahir dengan berat 2.69kg, Maisara plak 2.72kg..

I was fully pengsan masa operation tu, tak cukup kuat semangat la nak amik separuh badan je. and my hubby was allowed to enter the operation theatre, so he got to see how the doctor keluarkan our babies from my tummy.. i'm so proud of u for being so brave hun. :)

I was talking to the doctor when they asked me to sedut the gas, and the next thing i know, i was on the stretcher heading to the elevator. Masa tu dah mula rasa sakit teramat sangat, but i was too weak to even open my eyes. Aku sedar badan dan bibir aku menggeletar kesakitan sebab ubat bius dah habis, tapi aku tak dpt nk ckp or bukak mata. Mujur mak aku panggil nurse suh kasi ubat tahan sakit. then aku pengsan again. huhu..

There's no nice pic of me with the babies on the first day to put here, because my look was so miserable. ada pulak orang pegi tocang rambut aku, dah macam rupa ninja. bukan tocang nicely, but buruk-ly. haha.. malu tgk gambar sendiri. so hanya ada gambar babies je la.

And the first week after the operation memang sangat seksa. Sakit. Emotional. Frustrated sebab tak dapat nk hold my babies and breasfeed them. And my Maisara kena tahan kat wad sebab slightly jaundiced, then Maisara discharged, Marissa pulak admitted. My blood pressure plak naik time tu. And my hubby pulak dah kehabisan cuti and terpaksa went back to Labuan even Marissa was still in the ward. Masa tu perasaan bercampur baur. Tapi mujur ada mak and family members yang lain. Everything menjadi tenang and teratur and aku pun makin sihat.. Alhamdulillah."


sampai situ je aku tulis.. haha.. oklah kan than nothing.. chiow!

Our 2nd Anniversary

Alhamdulillah...

Setelah sekian lama menyepi dari menulis blog.. hari ini ada lah sedikit ruang untuk aku menulis.. and atas permintaan suami jugak.. dah lama katanya tak baca aku melalut di blog. life as a mother of a twin is reallly super duper busy.. tambah pulak hubby jauh... memang susah sangat nak cari masa untuk diri sendiri. Masa tido memang terhad. Memang benar kata seorang kawan aku yang ada anak twin jugak.. "silalah tdo sepuas puasnya sebelum ko beranak..".. sekarang aku paham betapa dia maksudkan kata2 itu.. haha.. Tapi apa2 pun, aku tersangat sangat sangat bersyukur dengan kurnian Allah ini.. Tak ternilai rasanya.. kebahagian yang tak dapat di beli di mana2 pun.. orang selalu bertanya.. "best tak ada anak twin?".. and jawapan tipikal aku.. "well, everything doubled! Tiredness.. busyness.. costs.. and yang paling penting.. happiness also doubled.. ". haha..

Hari ni, hari ke-10 ramadhan.. dan genaplah 2 tahun aku dan juhaimi menjadi suami isteri. Dua tahun kahwin, with 2 babies.. syukurr...Dia hanya balik for the weekend... hari sabtu pagi sampai kuantan, and ahad malam dah bertolak balik ke labuan.. (ok aku taknak merungut).. Alhamdulillah sempat jugak spend time selama 2 hari 1 malam dgn dia.. 2 hari 1 malam yang sungguh bermakna.. dan aku sangat bahagia.. heeee... Terima kasih ya Allah.. Terima kasih abang for everything.. 


Lama kan aku tak menulis kat sini.. takde idea dah nk tulis apa.. padahal tadi rasa cam byknye mende nk tulisssss!! tu la dah lama sgt tinggalkan blog ni.. otak pun jadi berkarat dah..

erm... my babies dah nk masuk 10 bulan.. dah bermacam ragam dan telatah... cepatnya mereka membesar.. lagi 2 bulan nak setahun.. waaa.. sekejap je rasa!!! Sekarang ni.. aku dah tak berpeluang nak ronggeng2 dengan kawan2.. semua tu hanya tinggal kenangan.. buat masa ni la.. tapi i'll be back wahai kengkawanku.. tunggguuuuu!!! huhu.. Tuhan je tahu betapa hati ni meronta2 nak join mereka lepak sama2.. tengok wayang.. buka puasa.. tapi aku harus terima kenyataan.. zaman itu sudah berlalu bagi aku.. bukan aku merungut.. cuma meluahkan rasa.. and aku dah redha pun... sedar2 diri la bukannya muda lagi pun.. haha.. dah jadi mak orang..

owh.. saya dah pindah rumah baru.. and akan dikongsi with my sister, kak cha.. when she and her 6 kids are back from Saudi.. coz her hubby still tinggal kat sana utk keje.. so kami ni macam persatuan isteri2 berjauhan dgn suami la kiranya.. haha.. we'll take care of each other insyaAllah.. buat masa ini.. itulah yang terbaik bagi aku.. coz aku memang tak mampu nak membesarkan M&Ms sorang2.. she'll be back on this coming 30th of august.. tak sabar!!!! rindu giler kat dorang sume..


oklah.. sampai sini dulu kot.. dah almost 2 am in the morning.. esok kena keje lak.. insyaAllah ada masa i'll update lah this blog.. k bubye.. wslm..