Monday 23 December 2013

Penghargaan Manusia VS Penghargaan Allah

Berbuat baiklah kepada ibu ayah walaupun ibu ayah lebih sayangkan kakak or abang kita daripada kita. Walaupun ibu ayah selalu tak nampak kebaikan kita. Do good towards them anyway.

Berbuat baiklah pada anak-anak, walau dia selalu buat masalah. Walau dia selalu susahkan kita. Walaupun bila dia besar dia lupa jasa kita. Dia jadi anak derhaka. Berbuat baiklah kepada mereka.

Berbuat baiklah kepada suami, walaupun setelah kau beranakkan zuriat dia, walaupun abes keringat kau membesarkan dan menjaga zuriat dia, dia tak hargai pengorbanan dan kesusahan kau dan mencari seronok bersama wanita lain. Berbuat baiklah.

Berbuat baiklah kepada isteri, walaupun dia asyik membebel. Walaupun dia tak mensyukuri apa yang kau telah beri. Walau setelah penat lelah kau mencari nafkah utk keluarga, dia masih mencari lelaki lain, ketahuilah, tak rugi kau berbuat baik kepada dia selama ini.

Berbuat baiklah kepada orang sekeliling, walaupun mereka sikit pun tak amik kesah. Mereka sikit pun tak pandang usaha dan effort kau. Berbuat baiklah.

Berbuat baiklah kepada binatang, walaupun dia tak dpt nak balas kebaikan kau, walaupun takde satu faedah pun kau dapat, berbuat baiklah.

TAPI KENAPA?

Sebabnya.....

Walau mereka semua tak hargai, tak nampak, tapi Allah tahu. Allah catat. Allah akan balas.

Berbuat baik dan mengharapkan balasan manusia, hanya akan mengundang kecewa. Dari situ datangnya murka, akhirnya  merana.

Tapi jika berbuat baik, dan HANYA mengharapkan pengiktirafan Allah, kita takkan kisah kalau manusia tak hargai kita. Kerana kebaikan itu, sudah mendapat tempat di sisi Pencipta. Ada reward sedia menanti di pintu syurga.

Dulu pernah aku kecewa. Sakit hati. Sebab aku rasa pengorbanan aku tak di hargai. Kesusahan aku macam takde makna. Aku mengungkit itu ini.

But then i realized, aku berbuat baik, aku berkorban segala, Allah dah catatkan kebaikan bagi aku. Tapi just because this one human being yang terlupa nak appreciate pengorbanan aku, aku mengungkit, dan sekarang aku tertanya, masih adakah kebaikan aku di sisi Allah? Adakah aku masih akan dapat reward di atas segala kebaikan yang aku lakukan, setelah aku mengungkit macam2? Entah2 Allah dah padam semuanya.

Aku harus tukar cara aku berfikir, kebaikan yang aku lakukan, bukan utk dihargai oleh sesiapa. Tapi untuk penilaian Allah. Kalau Allah dah catit, Alhamdulillah. Let them stay in that book sampai akhirat nanti.

Kalau orang taknak hargai, taknak recognize effort kita, it's ok. Kita tak rugi pun, sebab pahala tu kita tetap dapat. Cuma kalau ada orang hargai tu, itu ibarat bonus la kan. But still, ini lah yang Allah nak ajar mungkin.

Allah nak ajar aku, jangan harapkan penghargaan manusia.

Jangan harapkan manusia akan berkorban segala utk kau. Manusia itu sifatnya terbatas.

Pernah dengar ungkapan, "Cukuplah Allah bagiku"? Kalau betul2 hayati ungkapan ini, kita akan berasa lega sebab masih ada Allah di sisi.

Orang lain tu kita tak dpt halang kalau dia nk pegi jauh dari kita, tapi dengan Allah, kita yang decide kita nk berada dekat atau semakin jauh. Selangkah kita mendekati Allah, seribu langkah Allah mendekati kita.. MasyaAllah. Masih nak rasa sedih sebab kena tinggal oleh kekasih? Haha.. buat rugi air mata je. Mengejar yang sia2.



*Masih belajar. Dan mempraktikkan apa yang di pelajari. Kalau terlanggar sana sini, itu buktinya aku ini manusia. Yang sedang mencuba. Yang masih belum sempurna. Dan takkan sempurna sampai bila-bila. Tapi aku cuba buat sesempurna mungkin. Untuk aku. Untuk kau. Untuk semuanya. Untuk Allah. Untuk syurga*

Saturday 21 December 2013

Me VS We

Everyone experience it. We are not alone. :)






Friday 20 December 2013

19 Things You'll Only Appreciate If You Studied Abroad

My friend shared one link this morning. Sangat mengetuk pintu memori. Owh.. how i miss Bangor and UK. 
I started writing blog masa dah 3rd year. Banyak perkara menarik yang aku tak sempat nk tulis in here. My 1st and 2nd year yang penuh memori suka duka. I wished i had written them down. Hmm.. it's ok. I still have all the pics. Biarlah yang lain tu tersemat di memori selamanya.. cewaaah.. 
Anyways, i found the article sangat menarik and i can relate to most of them. It's what we do generally.. haha.. I just had to share it. 
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Because as someone famous once said, "the best things you learn aren't learned in a classroom."
1. Contrary to every mother's belief, you won’t even feel sick if you eat gelato for every meal.
Or pizza. Or crepes. Or empanadas. Or anything in the top, bad-for-you section of the food pyramid. We’re on a budget here, people.
*This one memang tak boleh nafi. Especially during my first year, main makan je apa yang segera and senang. Hihi.. after all, that kind of foods pun yang murah and sedappppp!*
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2. Humans are inherently kind.
Strangers will go far, far out of their way to help you get around. All you must do is ask sincerely and thank copiously.
*Yes, surprisingly, they are really helpful. Everytime aku travel dengan big luggage, mesti ada orang yang tolong angkat beg aku naik tangga, naik and turun dari train. Seriously sangat2 terharu. Orang Malaysia malu nak buat baik dan tolong-menolong, kat sana it's been a culture. A beautiful culture indeed. And kalau sesat jalan ke, or apa2 masalah la, just ask around, they'll help you, happily *

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3. Just because something is in a guidebook doesn’t mean you have to go look at it.
Exhibit A: Manneken-Pis.
*Been to few countries kat Europe. And memang betul, kadang apa yang ada dlm guidebook tu tak menarik langsung. Next time, choose wisely. Jangan bazir masa dan energy pergi melawat tempat yang entah apa2. 

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4. It’s better for everyone if we just pretend Euros are dollars.
Just forget the exchange rate, and stop converting every price to dollars in your head. It causes too much pain.
*Ni penyakit masa mula2 sampai sana. Semua benda nk convert to RM. haha.. last skali rasa semua menda mahal. Padahal it's super murah already, considering we received our allowance in Pounds.*
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6. America is not the center of the universe.
There are other people living on this planet, and they live differently than we do, and they are really happy that way. It’s an awesome thing to realize.

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7. Doner kebab as drunk food is one thousand times better than nachos as drunk food.
Mostly because nobody’s really sure which animal that shaved meat comes from. What a fun, mysterious taste bud adventure!
*I'm such a BIG FAN of doner kebab!! sedap sangat! And the portion pun soOOoo big ko boleh makan 5 orang utk satu hidangan.. haha.. 

doner kebab
8. Every person in a hostel is a potential best friend.
And sometimes they’ll agree to travel with you for days or weeks, after knowing you for a mere day. Voilà! Lifelong pals!
*I had one flatmate, named Abigail, but we called her Abe. Sampai 3rd year we still be friends. Everytime jumpa kat mana2, tepi jalan ke, dlm mall ke, dia akan peluk aku kuat2, sampai susah gila nk nafas.. haha.. And dia suka mengecek apa yang aku masak kat dapur. I miss her, really. 
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9. Trains don’t always depart when they say they will.
…or ever.
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10. It is not only possible, but socially permissible, to wear the same outfit for seven days in a row 
How else are you going to fit your suitcase into the easyJet carry-on box? All you really need are a few colored scarves… that way, people won’t notice the same T-shirt recurring in photo after photo.
*Yep, yep, yep! So true. Especially kalau travel during winter or easter. U wear the same jackets all the time. So, tak kesah la nak pakai baju yang sama kat dalam pun, janji tudung kena tukar.. hahaha..

11. English truly is the universal language.
And people who are learning English looove to practice it with you, even if they don't make sense.
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12. Dinnertime in America is seriously warped.
Why did the Founding Fathers decide to eat at six when everybody else on the planet waits till 10?
*Dinner at 6? I'll be starving to death sementara nk tunggu sleep time which was around 2-3 am. heee*
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13. Spontaneity is rewarded.
Like that time you snagged the one Euro flight to Finland in an online promo. Or when you bought a last-minute ticket to the show in Ibiza. They weren’t the most logical decisions, to be sure, but they’re memories you’ll replay in your mind forever.
*Spontaneous get away was always fun! Even more fun compared to the well-planned ones. *

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14. Nothing bonds you like traveling. 
The way to know if you’re truly friends with someone? Food poisoning from the street fruit. Or a seven-hour bus delay. Or Wizz Air.
*Seriusly aku gelak nk mati tgk pic berpeluk2 ni. Coz teringat balik kami berpeluk2 macam ni sebab tunggu train tengah malam kat Italy, nak tiket murah punya pasal, kena la beli yang odd hours. it was during easter holidays, tapi sejuk macam winterrrr!!! siap sorang conduct terapi, semua pejam  mata, bayangkan sekarang kita tengah bersantai di tepi pantai, matahari terik atas kepala, ya Allah.. panasnya.. semua orang berpeluh2 sebab kepanasan.. and macam2 la ayat psycho yang keluar. Desperate giler.. haha*
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15. Studying abroad involves, on average, about four minutes of actual studying.
Shh, don’t tell.
*Err.. this part tipu la.. we did study okay! But i admit, it wouldn't be that leisure kalau study kat malaysia.. hehe.. *
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16. Taxi drivers are some of the greatest people on Earth.
They just love to talk. And they’re so enthusiastic. And they drive you places so you don’t get lost like usual
*Err.. taxi drivers kat Bangor are mostly rempitsss.. haha.. but they are nice people with thick accent*
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17. Traveling solo reveals hidden talents. 
You wouldn’t have thought you could navigate a Czech subway without a map… but you did. 
*haha.. i discovered that i'm actually good at reading maps and planning a holiday. We didn't get lost, even in the big city like paris and rom. haha.. so proud of myself*
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18. Study abroaders are incredibly lucky people.
Very few humans get to spend carefree months exploring the world beyond their hometown, let alone during college. To study abroad is a privilege, and an awesome one at that.
*And last but not least, this is SUPER DUPER TRUE! The best time of my life was spent abroad. I'm truly thankful for that chance. Truly deeply. :)*
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Thursday 19 December 2013

Jangan terima 'penyakit' dari mereka yang berpenyakit

Ini sharing daripada Master kami, Kak Cery. And i think this is a really really good way of thinking. Sebab dalam hidup ni, tak kesah la apa kau nak buat, akan ada je orang komplen itu ini. Ingat lagi dulu masa aku nak pakai braces, semua orang kutuk. Semua orang halang. Kalau lah aku dgr dan akur ckp dorang dulu, mesti skang gigi aku dah bersimpang siur. haha..So, kesimpulannya, meh baca apa kak cery nak ckp.. heee..

"Jangan terima 'penyakit' dari mereka yang berpenyakit" ~MCsKK


 Pernah tak dalam hidup kita, kita tersentap/tersentak dengan komen2 dari kawan2, keluarga, anak buah, kawan sekerja atau dari mereka yang kita tak kenali. Maksud saya bukan komen membina tapi lebih kepada komen yang meruntuhkan pembangunan jiwa dan moral ..contohnya .."ini semua sebab salah awak la,blablabla..".. "dia ni berniaga fikir untung duit jer bukan dia peduli atau ambil berat pasal kita pun.."..."awk bukan leader yang blablabla..". DAN BANYAK LAGI komen2 pedas yang kadang buat hati kita tersentak...


 Normal lah kita manusia biasa bukan malaikat, tu yang hati terkejut tu. Tapi satu sahaja pesanan saya, JANGAN TERIMA PENYAKIT.


Mari saya cerita analogi yang saya baca dalam satu buku (Tak ingat tajuknya), Katanya, apabila orang memberi komen yang berbaur negatif..ia umpama orang itu 'memberi penyakit' kepada kita..ia seolah2 orang tu kata 'nah amiklah penyakit hati I'..

Analoginya begini, katalah dalam kehidupan kita, orang datang batuk2 bersin2 depan muka kita..kita suka tak? Atau orang datang nak pindahkan viruspenyakit kat kita.. Kita terima ke tidak? Sudah tentulah tiada manusia pun yang nak terima virus apa jenis penyakit pun.. yer tak.. Kalau terima bermaksud kita akan sakit lah.. yer tak..

Sama juga dalam kes ini, apabila kita 'terima' komen2 negatif dari golongan sedemikian, umpama kita menerima penyakit.. Cuba tengok keadaan mereka yang sedang demam..sakit bukan..rasa tak selesa 24jam..Sengsara ooo kalau demam panas, tu baru demam panas belum sakit lain yang arrghh,sakit2 ni semua memang tak besttt..sebab tu ada kata2 mengatakan hargai masa sihat sebelum datang masa sakit...

Jadi setiap kali kita membaca/mendengar sesuatu yang buat kita tersentap..cepat2 cakap pada diri.. 'aku takmahu terima penyakit ini'.. Jangan terima maksudnya,jangan reply atau balas..susuli dengan zikir dan istigfar....

Sejak dari itu saya tersenyum dan berikrar dengan diri taknak terima penyakit dari mereka2 yang berpenyakit hati..Kadang2 bila datang lagi orang hantar penyakit, cepat2 saya ingatkan diri tentang tips ini.. cepat2 saya cakap dgn diri.. kalau saya balas balik, bermaksud saya terima penyakit dia.. oh tidakk, saya taknakkk hidup dalam keadaan 'sakit'...

InsyaAllah nanti saya kongsikan lagi ubat untuk hati yang berpenyakit.. Saya doakan hujung minggu anda dipenuhi dengan kebahagiaan dan kejayaan. Ingat yer, jangan terima penyakit2 yang orang keliling hantar ke anda...sebaliknya mari penuhkan cinta dihati, insyaAllah keajaiban pasti menanti hidup anda.


Best kan? So, sila tolak jauh2 penyakit macam ni daripada hidup kita. hidup bebas tanpa penyakit. Jom lah makan Shaklee. Eh tetiba plak.. haha.. ok bye!

Cakap tak serupa bikin.

Topik aku nak tegur diri sendiri arini adalah "Cakap tak serupa bikin". 

Aku adalah insan yang selalu sangat lupa. Bukan lupa. Camne nk cakap eh. Contohnya, that day, i wrote about kesabaran, apa itu sabar, how you should bersabar and Allah will reward you for that. 

I've been writing about how you shouldn't berputus asa dengan rahmat Allah, shouldn't berputus asa dengan hidup ini. 

I've been writing about love story. How you should compromise in love. Give and take. 

Tapi when it comes to implement it, most of the times, i failed. Then the guilty feelings will surround me afterwards. Mulalah i started to rasa down and putus asa again. Sometimes rasa nk kepuk kepala sendiri, "hey rin, ko ni kan, cakap tak serupa bikin betul la.. aritu tulis macam2 kat blog, ingatkan dah terpahat dalam kepala. Still ko lupa. Buat jugak."

Aku baca ulang2 apa yang aku tulis. Sebab apa yang aku tulis kat dalam blog ni, adalah nasihat kepada diri aku sendiri. Dan sebagai peringatan pada aku bila aku baca semula. Coz i like to read my entries over and over again. So everytime ada certain things yang touched my heart or mengetuk diri aku, aku suka share kat sini, first intention is for myself. Then for you, yang baca blog ni. 

I know some people have been reading my blog. Seriusly why you still read blogs? hahaha.. aku ingat orang dah tak baca blog zaman skang ni. Since aku pun byk merapu in here. So it's a bit shocking la bila ada org follow blog aku. Ria especially.. stop reading!! aku malu tau tak! hahaha.. 

Aku actually nak share pasal tips yang kak cery bagi pagi tadi.. ok kena buat entry lain la .. entry ni panjang lebar dah.. aku pun serabut nk baca panjang2 ni.. k, bye!



Wednesday 18 December 2013

7 Things Your Muslim Wife Wont tell you

This is a rentetann article from the previous one. Hmm.. They really did a research kan? Coz i think these are mostly true. It reflects the truth about a wife. Don't know about others. 

What’s Going On Under the Hijab?

Last week I wrote an article entitled “7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You.” I thought I was gonna get a lot of complaints about that one, but so far, everyone seems to enjoy it.
Well, if the last article didn’t upset you, perhaps this one will. Actually, I don’t want to upset you. But I do want you to think about things that may not normally cross your mind.
Most men have a hard time understanding women. Even a woman they’ve been married to for years.
One minute she’s perfectly fine. The next, she’s crying like a baby.
She complains about something but when we offer advice on how to fix it, she still isn’t satisfied.
After several years of marriage (and counselling) I’ve learned to not worry so much about what my wife says. Instead, I should worry about what she doesn’t say.

With this information in mind, I’ve put together a quick list of things Muslim men should be aware of when it comes to their wife’s mind.

1. Above All, She Wants Your Love

This harkens back to a post I wrote a couple of months ago called “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”
In this article I explained that men desire respect from their wives, and women desire love from their husbands.
When a wife shows her husband less respect, he in turn shows her less love.
And when a husband shows his wife less love, she in turn shows him less respect.
And the vicious cycle repeats itself.
Stop this prophecy before it becomes self-fulfilling. Show love to your wife.
That’s what she wants. Love her despite her flaws and quirks.
And Inshallah, she’ll respect you despite your flaws and quirks.

2. She’s Bored

It’s the same thing every day.
Week in and week out.
Not only is she bored but she’s also tired.
She has to care for the kids and run the household and then pamper you.
Just thinking about doing that every day makes me want to crawl under my covers and hide. I can imagine how the average Muslim housewife must feel.
And let’s not forget about working woman. Many Muslim women have to work a full time job as well as hold a house down.
So brothers, I implore you, make your wife feel special. Give her a break.
Take her out sometimes. Surprise her with a surprise meal. Bring her favorite desert home.
Just do something every now and then to break the monotany.

3. She Wants to Be Complimented

Appreciation.
Everybody wants it.
No one wants to feel as if the hard work they do goes unnoticed or even worse, it taken for granted.
Your wife does not have to clean your dirty clothes. And she does not have to cook your meals.
But she does.
And she does that on top of all the other things in her life:
  • Working or going to school.
  • Caring for the kids.
  • Striving to be a better Muslimah.
Show your Muslim wife that you appreciate and are thankful for the things she does to maintain you and your family.
A simple “thank you” is a good start.

4. She’s Insanely Jealous

There’s a reason most women don’t care for polygamy.
Be very careful how you talk about other women around your wife.
I mentioned this in my book “Sex and Islam.” Don’t ever compare your wife to another woman.
  • Don’t compare her to some female movie star.
  • Don’t compare her to your mother.
  • Never, ever compare her to your ex-wife (or other wife!)
She’s wants to know and believe that she is the center of your universe. So make her feel that way.
Even the Prophet’s (pbuh) wives got jealous. Aisha (RA) even got jealous of Khadijah (RA) who was dead.
Expect, and respect, the same type of jealousy from your wife.

5. She Wants You to Help Her Become A Better Muslimah

If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch this video I did a couple of weeks ago for Muslim men. In this video I stress the importance of men taking the role of leader within their families.
And that’s the problem with a lot of Muslim men these days.
Not only are they not being good leaders, they’re being led by their wives (or mothers, or other women in their lives).
Your wife desires and wants you to be her leader. And what better way to lead her than to be show her how to be a better Muslimah?
But you can’t show her how to become better if you’re not that great either. Therefore, you have to upgrade your Iman. You have to improve yourself and then pass it on to her in a gentle, respectful way.

6. She Doesn’t Like to Nag, But Sometimes You Make It Hard

It’s a common myth that women like to nag their husbands. That’s not entirely true.
Yes, there are some people (men and women) whom you can never please. No matter what you do, they’ll always find fault in something. Let’s be reminded of the following hadith:
Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas: The Prophet said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.”
Sahih Bukhari
So, yes sisters should be careful about denegrating the things your husband does for you.
But very often, you Brother, make it hard for her to hold your tongue.
Perhaps you’re always finding fault with her and she looks for things in your character to get even.
Perhaps you’re not working (or not working hard enough) and she has to work to take up some slack.
Perhaps you’re just not that great of a guy.
Once again, upgrade yourself and give her less reasons to complain and nag.

7. More Than Anything, She Wants a Stable, Happy Relationship With You

Women don’t get married just because they think it’s gonna be fun.
They get married because they want a happy family life and they believe you’re gonna give it to them.
Outside of her religious duties, that’s the most important thing in a Muslim woman’s life. Raising a happy, stable, Muslim family.
The funny thing is, it’s very easy for you to give that to her.
  1. Stop acting like a jerk. Be a good husband to her. Be kind. Show her you love her.
  2. Don’t threaten her with divorce or taking a second wife. Yes, you have the right to do both. But using them as threats is inappropriate and detrimental to your marriage.
  3. Trust in Allah, watch out for the tricks of Shaytan, and be patient with her. There’s nothing Shaytan would love more than to destroy your marriage.
See? That isn’t all that hard, now is it?

Tuesday 17 December 2013

Love OR Respect: Which do you prefer?

Godek2 lagi blog Islamic Learning Materials tu, i found this article plak. Love and respect. I just had to share it. Can't resist. 

How Husbands Should Treat Their Wives

This is Part 2 of the Series: “Love, Sex, And Marriage in Islam.”
Men and women are different. Despite being equal in every mental aspect and almost every physical aspect, we are still different. Therefore, it should be no surprise that there is a difference in how husbands treat their wives and wives treat their husbands.
The most important emotion a husband can show his wife is love. That is what women are looking for from their men. Love.
Respect, friendship, and support are all important. But love is the foundation of all of these things.
I can give you all sorts of anecdotal evidence. Stories about women enduring all sorts of mental abuse and neglect because want their men to love them. And I can also cite cases where a woman would leave an otherwise good man if she feels he doesn’t love her.
But rather than do that, I’ll just quote from the Quran and hadith.
And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
Surah Nisa Verse 19
And from the hadith:
He has further stressed: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” Collected by At-Tirmidhi.
Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) are showing us the way men should behave with their wives.
  • Treat them with kindness.
  • Do not dislike or hate them.
  • Treat them with the best behavior.
It is very difficult to have a relationship like this with a woman and not love her.
And the interesting thing is, the more you love your wife, the more she respects you. Which brings me to my next point.

How Wives Should Treat Their Husbands

Men don’t need love as much as women do. But what men do need is respect. Men will fight each other over perceived disrespect. So it is important that a woman always show respect towards her husband.
Respect means to hold someone in esteem or honor. What men most want from their wives is to be honored and respected. The easiest way to turn your husband against you is to attack his ego.
And on the other side, the more respect you show your husband, the more he will love you.
The command to respect your husband comes from Allah in the Quran when He says:
So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Surah Nisaa Verse 34.
And from the hadith:
When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband, it is said to her: ‘Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.’” Collected by At-Tirmidhi.
So you see that the primary commandment for a woman towards her husband is to respect him through obedience and modesty.
And it so happens that when a woman increases her respect for her husband, he likewise increases in love for her.
And when a man increases his love for his wife, she likewise increases in respect for him.

It Takes Two To Make A Marriage Work

Chances are if you ask a man why he doesn’t show more love to his wife, he would say: “I will love her more when she respects me more.”
And if you ask a woman why she doesn’t respect her husband she may say: “I will respect him more when he loves me more.”
The fact is it takes two people to make a marriage work. The husband has to show his love to his wife in order to gain her respect. And the wife has to show her respect to her husband to gain his love.
This love and respect also plays out in sexual relations between husband and wife as I explain in “The Ultimate Muslim Sex Guide.” Men are turned on by women who respect them and women are turned on by men who love them.
My advice to you, if you are already married, is to begin showing your spouse more love and respect.
Brothers, whatever stage of marriage you’re in, show your wife that you love her.
  • Kiss her more often; not just when you want sex.
  • Buy her little gifts for no reason at all.
  • Just tell her you love her and why you love her and tell it from your heart.
If you do this, you will see your relationship with your wife grow to unprecedented levels. Your wife will begin to treat you like the great man she always wanted to marry.
Sisters, the same for you. Whatever stage of marriage you’re in, show your husband that you respect him.
  • Obey him without question when he asks for something within reason.
  • Let him be the man; do not shout at him or belittle him.
  • Ask his opinion and advice about things in your daily life.
When you do this, you will see your husband’s love for you begin to overflow. He will want to love you and protect you and make you happy in any way he can.
For those of you who are not married, please take this advice and keep it in the back of your mind. It’s very easy to lose love and respect for your spouse after the honeymoon is over.
But try with everything you’ve got to give love and respect and, Inshallah, you’ll get so much more back in return.

7 Things Your Muslim Husband wont tell you.

Found this article. I think it would be beneficial to share it. 

What’s Going Through Your Muslim Husband’s Mind?

Ever wish you could read your husband’s mind? Western culture encourages husbands and wives to talk to each other and discuss things.
However, in many Muslim cultures, men are raised to be stoic and tight-lipped. Muslim husbands are very often (not always) reluctant to talk about certain things with their wives.
Part of the problem is also that sometimes it is hard to actually formulate our thoughts into the right words.
The only thing more difficult than translating thoughts to words is translating feelings to words.

So, a lot of Muslim men and women go through their marriages with very little communication and never really knowing what the other person is thinking.
This quick list is for the Muslim sisters in my audience. This list will give you good idea of some of the things your husband thinks about, but just doesn’t know how, or want, to tell you.

1. Above All, He Desires Your Respect

I spoke about this in my article “Love or Respect: Which Do You Prefer?”.
In this article, I explained that women want to know their husbands love them, and men want to know their wives respect them.
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It’s important that Muslim women understand the value of respect for men, especially Muslim men. In Islam, men are taught from a young age that they are supposed to be the bread-winners and caretakers of their families.
You can imagine how frustrating it would be for a man, who tries his best to care for his family, to be married to a woman who doesn’t respect him. She may declare that she loves him, but without her respect, he will quickly fall out of love with her.
This idea is put forward in the Quran where Allah says:
Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.
Chapter 4, Verse 34
If you fear there is a problem in your marriage sisters, I would suggest you start here.

2. He Desires Your Loyalty

This goes hand in hand with respect.
There’s nothing that will ruin a marriage quicker than the idea that your spouse is not loyal. The idea, that he or she is not going to stick by you.
I’m not talking about infidelity. This is what usually comes to mind when people talk about loyalty in a marriage.
What I’m talking about is knowing that the person whom you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with is going to be there for you when you really need them.
Most men won’t admit it, but we do need women. And we do need your support.
And it’s very troubling to be married to a woman who may not be around when the going gets tough.
If you are constantly threatening divorce or separation or Khula (Islamic divorce initiated by the wife), you can expect your marriage to fizzle out very quickly.
Your husband needs to know that you’re going to be by his side if:
  • He loses his job and the money gets tight.
  • He tries to do something (like start a business or go back to school) but fails at it.
  • His reputation is tarnished or his honor is attacked.
You should be loyal to your husband before everything else except Allah and His Messenger (pbuh).
If you’re loyal to your husband, than rest assured he’ll be loyal to you.

3. He Wants To Have Sex More Often

Let’s get this right out into the open.
Some women might think men are narrow-minded brutes for this, but it’s the truth.
Men desire sex. Men really desire sex.
So when you give him the following excuses:
  • “I’ve got a headache.”
  • “I’m not feeling good.”
  • “Can’t it wait till the weekend? I’m really not in the mood.”
Know that your husband is going to go to sleep a little upset with you, even if he doesn’t show it.
And do this often enough, he’s going to start resenting you. And that resentment will build up and may lead to him being unnecessarily mean to you or losing some love.
Please keep the following hadith in mind:
When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.
Bukhari and Muslim.
Something to think about.

4. He Thinks About Other Women

Okay, first of all, calm down. Don’t unsubscribe from my mailing list just yet. Let me explain this.
All men think about other women.
It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.
It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife).
You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men.
The best way to combat these thoughts are to apply the advice given in the first three secrets:
  • Respect him.
  • Be loyal to him.
  • Give him physical love when he wants it.
Does this mean he’ll never take a second wife if you do these three things? Of course not.
But it will raise your value in his mind relative to other woman and he’ll be all the more reluctant to look for those three things (respect, loyalty, and sex) elsewhere.

5. He Wants To Make You Happy

Why do you think men work so hard to make money?
Why do you think men are willing to leave their jobs and risk starting a business?
Why do you think men like buying women gifts?
Because deep down, we really just want to make you happy. :)
Sometimes we screw it up and forget our anniversary. But we really would prefer to remember because we know it would make you happy.
So when your husband buys you a gift, accept it, rejoice over it, thank him profusely, and use it as often as possible.
If he buys you some jewelry, wear it.
If he buys you a new smartphone, use it.
If he buys you a car, drive it.
And don’t be so quick to nag him about the things he doesn’t do right. Because then he’ll start feeling that you don’t respect (there’s that word again) the things he does do for you.

6. If You Nudge Him, He Can Be A Better Muslim

Nobody’s perfect.
Perhaps your husband isn’t a Muslim scholar. Perhaps he’s not the best Muslim in the world.
You can nudge him to make him better. But you can’t force him.
Do little things to get him to improve his Islam.
  • Offer to wake him up for Salaatul Fajr.
  • Encourage him to make Salaah at the Masjid.
  • Tell him how much nicer he’d look if he grew his beard.
This takes deliberate words, a soft touch, and careful action. No one likes to be preached to.
But if you do this right, you’ll be getting a double reward:
The reward that comes with living with a righteous husband. And the reward in the next life for encouraging your husband to the truth.
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.
Chapter 103, Verse 3

7. He Loves You, Even If He Doesn’t Always Show It

I know, this one may be kinda hard to swallow. But it’s true (usually).
Men are just not that good at showing emotion (unless we’re talking sports or politics).
We don’t tell our wives “I love you” often enough.
We’re not perfect. And constantly comparing us to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ain’t helping.
Of course, we are supposed to emulate him (pbuh) as much as we can. And for most of us, we are doing the best we can.
But we just can’t treat you the same way he (pbuh) treated his wives. Similarly, it’s unfair for men to expect their wives to behave like Aisha (RA) and his other wives (RA) did.
Just because your husband doesn’t treat you in the way (you think) the Prophet (pbuh) treated his wives, doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.
It just means he’s human.
It is very important that you understand this.
  • If he’s doing his best to take care of you.
  • If he doesn’t abuse you or sleep around.
  • If he sincerely tries to solve your problems and helps you in the best way he can.
Then chances are he loves you. A lot.